


Something for Everybody to Enjoy

by orphan_account



Category: South Park
Genre: Body Image, Comfort, Gen, One Shot, mostly just a vent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-18
Updated: 2016-10-18
Packaged: 2018-08-23 03:48:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8312881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Clyde is working to feel better about the way he looks, but when he fears that somebody will see him admiring himself, he loses all of that confidence that he was trying to build up.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I was having a few self-esteem issues, so what better way to vent these issues than with one of my favorite pairings. There isn't really anything necessarily between the two of them, but oh well. Also I'm not editing this because I'd rather this just be something I throw out in the open and almost forget about.

As if by some miraculous routine caused by a desire for privacy and somewhat slow reflexes, Clyde was once again the last person in the locker room.  He yearned for the moment that the sweat and cheap deodorant space was all but vacant. The room was almost a sacred space for him. It was here that he would commence with one of the strangest rituals: flexing in front of the mirror. 

Sure, this was an activity that he could do in front of any mirror, but this was special in the sense that he was under no pressure to wear any clothing. This was certainly a major plus for Clyde. What was the point of admiring himself if he couldn't see what was concealed by a shirt or a pair of pants? To him, posing seductively in front of a mirror in a shirt was about as useful as trying to enjoy a good steak that was covered in ketchup. 

As vain as the whole process would sound to an outsider, the whole point of this for Clyde was to get in touch with his self-esteem. His body wasn't the most conventionally attractive, and he realized that. The best way to get over that inner rooted sense of self-loathing was to confront it on a physical level. To  him, this was a much more useful approach than just affirming things that anybody could say to him. He didn't want pity; he wanted confidence. 

 _Looking good, dude. Anybody would be sorry to pass you up. You are a prime cut of meat. You are well marbled, a quality everybody loves. A little bit of muscle and a little bit of fat means that I have a little bit of something for people of all tastes. Nice._  

Or rather, maybe not so nice. A hollow rapping at the locker room door had Clyde's blood running cold. Nobody was supposed to know he was here. Had he been in here longer than he anticipated? He would have went to grab his phone from his bag to check the time, but an almost primal instinct within him had Clyde in a sense of panic. Unsure of what to do, he struggled to wedge himself between a row of lockers and the wall. It was a tight squeeze, but maybe nobody would find him. 

"Clyde? Are you in here?" A familiar voice inquired. The high pitched, nasal tone suggested that it was Kyle. "The janitors are about to lock up for the day. If you get stuck in here overnight, we aren't coming to get you out." 

He gulped loudly. This was going to be how he died: of embarrassment, in a locker room, devoid of any clothing, and discovered by Kyle. He knew that if he was found stuck between a wall and a locker that it wouldn't do any good for him. Kyle would probably make a snide remark about his weight, much as he was akin to do with somebody like Eric. The best option was to run for the showers and conceal himself with one of the curtains. 

"I know you're in there. You aren't the softest on your feet, you know. I'm coming in here for your sake." 

The sounds of the door squealing open and Kyle's shoes against the cold tile floor reminded him of a horror scene. But Kyle would probably see this as something straight out of a comedy. Clyde, the guy that was always going on about how everybody loved him, at his weakest moment, tears streaming down his face in a mix of fear and self-consciousness. This would be something for him to complain about. 

"Uhh, is there any reason why you're wearing one of the shower curtains around yourself? Don't tell me you're still..." He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "Look, I have no idea why you're still in here, but you need to get out." 

"Okay, but close your eyes or turn around or something," he sniffled. "I don't want you to look at me." 

"Clyde, I've seen you without your shirt on before. Every guy has. You do realize that none of us wear shirts in here, right?" 

"But it's not the same! When there are other guys in here, it's different because I don't feel like I’m being watched. But it's just the two of us in here, and I don't exactly look as hot as I make myself out to be." 

Kyle understood what he meant. "Go put some clothes on, and then we can talk about this." 

Clyde retreated to the locker where his garments rested and got dressed. He grabbed his bag and walked out of the room with Kyle. This was all still pretty humiliating to him, but it wasn't nearly as bad as he made it out to be. 

"Walk with me," said Kyle, motioning for Clyde to follow. "I want to talk about this somewhere less awkward than the locker room." 

The boys made their way to a hill where everybody used to go and throw rocks on the weekends. They sat next to each other on a small, grassy patch overlooking the main road. The sun was lower in the sky and would probably set within the hour. It was quiet enough to talk, but loud enough to where nobody else would hear them. 

"So about what you said earlier. What is it about yourself that you don't like? You always seemed so proud of the way you look." 

"I am proud of how I look. I have good hair, a solid jawline, and a decent build. Well, at least I used to. I just feel like I've given up on myself." 

"What do you mean by that?" 

"Kyle, I look like a mess! I just want to rip this all off and make it go somewhere else," he cried, grabbing hold of his midsection. "I'm fat and ugly, and it's upsetting. My face is rounding out, my arms aren't as defined as they used to be. My thighs squish together. My stretch marks make me look like a zebra or something. Nobody likes that." 

Kyle was very sympathetic to the issue. He was still struggling to deal with the way he felt when he looked in the mirror. Every day, it was one thing or another. His chest was too big, his hips were too wide, his features were too round. It was hard to get over the way he felt, but he tried his hardest to pay no heed to the thoughts he had about them. 

"I can tell you that you aren't as unattractive as you feel. You probably feel a lot bigger than you look, which is something I can tell you from personal experience. Honestly, I admire the way you look. The freckles across your face are nice. I love the tuft of chest hair that you have growing. You might not appreciate how you look, but I do." 

"Are you coming on to me or something?" 

Kyle covered his face. "I didn't mean for it to come off that way. God, why did I say it like that? Ugh, I'm so stupid for not realizing." 

Clyde waved his arms out in front of him in an attempt to get his attention. "It's okay, don't worry. I just figured that maybe you had fallen prey to the old Donovan charm. I would have understood." 

"Well clearly that did something for your warped sense of ego. I'll never understand you." Kyle looked away, rubbing his temples slowly. 

"But if it means anything to you, I probably would have let you kiss me if you were hitting on me." 

"Dude, shut up." 

Clyde laughed as he reclined back and got comfortable in the grass. "I can say nice things about you, too. Your hair is like a pillow, which is pretty cool. I guess you have a good nose too. It isn't as big as everybody makes it out to be. Plus you're kinda shaped like me, except shorter and a bit more pear-like. Maybe that means if you look good that I must look good, too." 

"Why don't we just sit here and look good together for a while then?" Asked Kyle, looking over to Clyde. 

"I think that sounds pretty good."


End file.
